Every time I come onto this and read all of the beautiful things everyone has to say, but I get so upset just thinking about not being able to look into the future and see him in our lives that I have to just ex it out. I have been told so many times to be thankful for the time we had and focus on the amazing memories and although I have done that continuously I still get so uneasy thinking of the time I no longer have and the memories I won't get to make. It is so unbelievably hard to accept him as a memory now and every time I am going about my busy day I suddenly get the impulse to call him or stop by the house when running errands and it just aches that second after I realize that it isn't possible. I hear his advice in my head everyday and I know that he would want me to spend time with my family and carry out the immense amount of love that he had for us 3 girls and Nicholas, Julia and Leah rather than dwelling on not being able to spend time with him but its just so hard when his presence is missed so much and I constantly feel that there is a void in my heart. He was and amazing person and like NOBODY ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, and not being able to hear his wise cracks or rude comments about fat people is going to be something I feel I will never get over, but every time we all get together I feel him there encouraging us to stay together through all of this. Christmas is going to be impossible without him but I will still feel him there and it will be hard looking back on all of the Christmases and the nutcrackers and then thinking of all of the empty ones to come but being with my sisters and my nieces and nephew will reassure me that he is there. I love and miss you daddy.